It's been over a month since my last post. This is not a bad sign; things have been very good with me lately.
I have no major news. What I've been working on the most has been acceptance. Acceptance is one of the most important parts of any 12-Step Programme. Until now, I didn't really know what it meant, nor how to implement it in my life. But I've come to realise that I need to practice acceptance nearly every minute of every day.
It's all about knowing that where I am right now and what I'm doing right now is exactly the way things are meant to be. I forgot to bring my mp3-player on the bus with me. It was meant to happen. My boyfriend just embarrassed me. It was meant to happen. I haven't written a blog entry in a month. It was meant to happen.
This is a powerful tool. I've been in situations recently that might have lead to a severe "borderline moment" or even psychosis, but by accepting what was happening, I was able to nip it in the bud and get over it quickly. I can't stress enough how my life has changed because of this. Previously, I'd be getting stressed out over the tiniest of things. And then before I had time to recover, yet another thing would crop up to aggrevate my temper. But now, I have control over it.
At the Recovery International meetings, we're told about the little links (stressful situations) and the big links. Practice on the little links, and the big links will look after themselves. The same goes for acceptance. If I can accept that I've lost my phone, later I'll be able to accept it when my parents die.
It's especially important for people with BPD to practice acceptance, because without it our lives will be in continuous turmoil, which invariably leads to self-destructive behaviour. I can honestly say that I have had no desire to cut myself in the past few months, and thoughts of suicide have gone too.
For anybody reading this who has heard of acceptance, but isn't really sure how to do it, just do as I've shown above; whenever you're in a stressful situation, just say to yourself, "This is meant to happen." I know that it works, and it can change your life.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
DBT and Perseverence
Some great news - I'll be taking part in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy soon after Easter! I had my consultation with a psychologist at the hospital today, finally, and basically she wanted to see if DBT was the right form of therapy for me. She seems to think it is. I'm over the moon, and very excited.
In all, life is going well for me at the moment. The Disability Allowance has been a great help; it really takes a lot of the stress out of my life. Working is great too; it gives structure to my day and keeps me grounded.
My relationship with my boyfriend has improved too - all because of a change in my behaviour. I no longer keep my feelings bottled up until they burst. When I feel uncomfortable, I say so, and do something about it. If I don't want to do something, I no longer say, "I don't mind doing it if you want to" - I just say no.
It has been difficult, but the perseverence has really paid off. I feel great in myself these days. I have to work at it every day, but the results are so overwhelming that there's no way I'd want to stop.
In all, life is going well for me at the moment. The Disability Allowance has been a great help; it really takes a lot of the stress out of my life. Working is great too; it gives structure to my day and keeps me grounded.
My relationship with my boyfriend has improved too - all because of a change in my behaviour. I no longer keep my feelings bottled up until they burst. When I feel uncomfortable, I say so, and do something about it. If I don't want to do something, I no longer say, "I don't mind doing it if you want to" - I just say no.
It has been difficult, but the perseverence has really paid off. I feel great in myself these days. I have to work at it every day, but the results are so overwhelming that there's no way I'd want to stop.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Feelings and Welfare
Long time no post. Reading over my last post, I seem to be a whole different person.
I've finished with my councellor; she thinks that I'm no longer at risk of suicide or self-harm. I believe so too. My life is much more manageable than before, or perhaps it hasn't become more manageable, just that I've developed coping skills. In fact, I think that is the case. I now speak my mind when I have bad feelings about something; like we say in Recovery, "Feelings should be expressed, and temper suppressed."
It's difficult in the beginning. At first, I met with some risistance from my boyfriend. He's used to me bottling my emotions up, so when I'm coming out with my feelings left, right, and centre, he got defensive and upset. It had to be done though. Now, it feels like second nature to say when something is wrong, knowing that nobody is going to bite my head off over it.
My claim for Disability Allowance has come through, so from Wednesday I'll have a weekly net income of €204.30. This has had a tremendous effect on my mood. I haven't had one bad day since the claim came through two weeks ago. I know they say money doesn't make you happy, but I beg to differ: this money has had a profound impact on my humour. My only piece of advice in relation to this is this: do as much research as possible about social welfare in your country; there are probably a lot of benefits that you don't know about. I had to jump through hoops to get it, but my work has paid off.
I've finished with my councellor; she thinks that I'm no longer at risk of suicide or self-harm. I believe so too. My life is much more manageable than before, or perhaps it hasn't become more manageable, just that I've developed coping skills. In fact, I think that is the case. I now speak my mind when I have bad feelings about something; like we say in Recovery, "Feelings should be expressed, and temper suppressed."
It's difficult in the beginning. At first, I met with some risistance from my boyfriend. He's used to me bottling my emotions up, so when I'm coming out with my feelings left, right, and centre, he got defensive and upset. It had to be done though. Now, it feels like second nature to say when something is wrong, knowing that nobody is going to bite my head off over it.
My claim for Disability Allowance has come through, so from Wednesday I'll have a weekly net income of €204.30. This has had a tremendous effect on my mood. I haven't had one bad day since the claim came through two weeks ago. I know they say money doesn't make you happy, but I beg to differ: this money has had a profound impact on my humour. My only piece of advice in relation to this is this: do as much research as possible about social welfare in your country; there are probably a lot of benefits that you don't know about. I had to jump through hoops to get it, but my work has paid off.
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